Kintsugi and Stoicism – Turning Life’s Cracks into Gold
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places” - Ernest Hemingway
The Beauty in Broken Things
Imagine a bowl, shattered and seemingly beyond repair. Most of us would throw it away. But what if, instead, the cracks were filled with gold, making it even more beautiful than before? This is Kintsugi—the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. More than a craft, it’s a philosophy: flaws aren't hidden—they’re highlighted, celebrated. Like Stoicism, Kintsugi teaches that imperfection and loss are not just inevitable but essential for growth.
A Story in Every Crack
The tale goes that Japanese shogun Ashikaga Yoshimasa broke his favorite tea bowl and sent it to China for repair. It came back stapled together—functional, but ugly. Unsatisfied, he tasked his artisans with finding a more elegant solution. They used lacquer and powdered gold to fill the cracks, transforming it into a work of art.
Just like the bowl, we all carry scars. And just like Kintsugi, we can choose to turn those scars into something beautiful. Stoicism echoes this lesson: life will break you—but in the breaking, you become strong.
Letting Go of Perfection
Many of us suffer not from what happens to us, but from how we think life should be. When life doesn’t go as planned, we feel like we’ve failed. Stoicism and Kintsugi remind us that perfection is a myth. Expecting it only leads to disappointment.
When we let go of rigid expectations, we make room for gratitude, perspective, and resilience. Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it this way: “Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to. Rather, wish that what happens, happens the way it happens. Then you will be happy.”
Loving Our Fate: The Stoic Parallel to Kintsugi
The Stoic practice of Amor Fati, or “love of one’s fate,” teaches us to not only accept, but embrace everything that happens to us. Kintsugi offers a visual metaphor: the cracks in a bowl aren’t flaws—they’re features. They’re what make it valuable.
Similarly, our emotional scars tell a story of survival. When we stop resisting life’s hardships and start learning from them, we build a deeper resilience. The greater the challenge, the more meaningful the transformation.
Your Story is in the Struggle
Think about any good story or movie you love. It’s not great because everything goes smoothly—it’s great because it doesn’t. Frodo walking into Mordor with no obstacles would be boring. It’s the struggle that makes the journey worth watching—and living.
Our lives are no different. When we go through adversity, we don't just endure it—we evolve. Those “cracks” become golden veins of wisdom, strength, and compassion.
My Story: Finding Strength in the Breaks
I’m open with my clients about my past—a 15-year period where I lived in the depths of addiction. During that time, I burned bridges in relationships, damaged my health, compromised my integrity, and watched my career unravel. Alcoholism brought immense suffering. But with time and perspective, I’ve come to see that pain as necessary. It broke me open in a way that made real change possible. That experience didn’t just transform me—it deepened my capacity for empathy. Today, I can sit with others in their darkest moments because I’ve been there, too. I know what it feels like to lose hope—and I also know what it takes to rebuild from that place.
Kintsugi and Stoicism helped me understand that my past didn’t make me less—it made me more. Marcus Aurelius said, “If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it.” When we change our perspective, we change our lives.
Embracing Impermanence and Change
Kintsugi aligns with another Japanese concept: Wabi Sabi—the acceptance of imperfection and impermanence. Stoicism echoes this in its teaching that all things are transient. Practicing Premeditatio Malorum—the visualization of potential loss—helps prepare us emotionally so we’re not shattered when change inevitably comes.
Nothing lasts forever. And that’s okay. When we embrace change instead of fearing it, we open ourselves to gratitude for what we have now.
Resilience: Mending with Gold
Have you ever met someone who has never struggled? They often lack the depth that comes from facing adversity. Like a soldier who’s never seen battle, they're untested. True strength is forged in the fire of real difficulty.
The Stoic view is that every challenge reveals a place to grow stronger. What breaks us also shows us where to build. And once repaired, that spot can become our strongest point.
From Broken to Beautiful
Struggles don’t come with meaning baked in. They’re just life. But how we respond to them—that’s where meaning comes from. As Viktor Frankl taught, suffering can become purposeful when we choose to transform it.
Stoicism encourages daily reflection to examine our thoughts and choices. This is like the gold in Kintsugi—intentionally applied, not accidental. When we reflect, learn, and rebuild, we become not just repaired—but refined.
Practical Wisdom: Turning Cracks into Strength
Here are three simple steps to practice this mindset:
Acknowledge the cracks – Denial weakens us. Awareness strengthens.
Learn the lesson – What does this experience teach you? Identify the growth opportunity.
Rebuild with intention – Apply what you’ve learned to your actions, relationships, and mindset.
As Marcus Aurelius reminds us, “To recover your life is in your power.” See things with fresh eyes—and be free.
Conclusion: The Cracks Are What Make You Beautiful
You are not less because you’ve struggled. You are more. The cracks in your life tell your story—of loss, resilience, wisdom, and strength. And just like the golden veins in a Kintsugi bowl, they make you one of a kind.
So take some time this week. Reflect on a recent struggle. Ask yourself: How can I fill this crack with gold?
