Healing from Childhood Trauma: A Guide for Adult Children of ADDICTION AND DYSFUNCTION
What Does It Mean to Be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA)?
Growing up with an alcoholic parent means navigating an emotional battlefield—often without realizing it. Children in these homes witness neglect, inconsistency, and chaos, but they may not have the words to describe it. Instead, they internalize the dysfunction, believing they are somehow responsible for keeping the family together.
Even after childhood ends, the emotional wounds remain. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs) often struggle with fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. People-pleasing, control issues, and approval-seeking behaviors frequently emerge as survival strategies that no longer serve them.
So, what does it mean to be an ACoA?
It means growing up in a home where addiction shaped your emotional world—and as an adult, learning to unlearn the coping patterns that once kept you safe.
Lessons from Al-Anon: The “Three C’s” of Recovery
Many family members of alcoholics find support through Al-Anon, a program that teaches loved ones to focus on their own healing. A core lesson in Al-Anon is the Three Cs:
✅ I didn’t cause the addiction.
✅ I can’t control the addiction.
✅ I can’t cure the addiction.
While this understanding can be life-changing for adults, children of alcoholics rarely have access to these tools while growing up. By the time they reach adulthood, they may still be carrying the weight of responsibility for a parent's substance abuse.
This is where Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) comes in.
ACA: Healing the Inner Child
ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) is a support group specifically designed for those who grew up in alcoholic or dysfunctional homes. The program helps ACoAs identify childhood wounds and offers a path toward healing.
The Problem: How Childhood Trauma Manifests in Adulthood
The ACA program describes a set of common characteristics in ACoAs, including:
🔹 Feeling isolated or uneasy around others
🔹 Seeing personal criticism as a threat
🔹 Entering relationships with alcoholics or other dysfunctional partners
🔹 Prioritizing others' needs over their own
🔹 Avoiding abandonment at all costs
🔹 Confusing love with pity and seeking relationships where they can “rescue” others
These patterns, known as The Laundry List, were identified by ACA founder Tony A. in 1978 and remain a guiding framework for understanding ACoA struggles.
The Solution: Reparenting the Inner Child
Healing starts with recognizing that within every ACoA, there are two parts of the self:
The Inner Child – the part of you that carries pain, fear, and unhealed wounds.
The Inner Parent – the nurturing voice that can provide love, kindness, and reassurance.
Through ACA, ACoAs learn to:
✨ Acknowledge childhood pain without judgment
✨ Release unhealthy coping mechanisms
✨ Develop self-compassion and emotional resilience
✨ View addiction as a disease rather than a personal failure
By integrating these lessons, adult children of alcoholics can break the cycle of dysfunction and find a sense of wholeness they never thought possible.
A Vision of Hope: Creating a New Life
Recovery is not about changing the past—it’s about changing the future. As ACoAs heal, they learn to:
❤️ Mourn the losses of childhood
❤️ Take responsibility for their own happiness
❤️ Build relationships based on trust, not fear
❤️ Show themselves the love and respect they always deserved
Healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone. To learn more or find an ACA meeting near you, visit adultchildren.org.
