Finding the Teacher Within

One of the most common things people want from therapy is direction.

They don’t always say it directly, but it shows up fast.
“Just tell me what to do.”
“What’s the right move here?”
“If you were me, what would you choose?”

That makes sense. When someone is overwhelmed, uncertain, or scared, clarity feels like relief. Being told what to do can feel grounding — like someone else is holding the map while you catch your breath.

But there’s a reason I don’t practice that way.

It’s not because I’m unsure.
It’s not because I don’t have opinions.
And it’s not because I’m afraid of responsibility.

It’s because growth doesn’t happen when you outsource your authority.

You don’t become stronger by following my answers. You become stronger by learning how to hear your own — especially when emotions are loud and fear is driving the wheel.

Therapy isn’t meant to replace your judgment. It’s meant to help you recover it.

Why “Just Tell Me What to Do” Feels So Compelling

Most people aren’t asking for instructions because they’re incapable. They’re asking because uncertainty is uncomfortable. When the nervous system is activated, ambiguity feels dangerous. A clear answer — even a bad one — can feel safer than sitting with not knowing.

So people look for certainty. From therapists. From partners. From gurus. From systems. From diagnoses.

At first, that works. Being told what to do lowers anxiety in the short term. But there’s a cost that doesn’t show up right away.

When someone else becomes the authority on your life, your own internal signal weakens. You stop trusting your perceptions. You wait for permission. You hesitate. You second-guess. And eventually, you feel stuck — not because you lack insight, but because you’ve trained yourself to defer it.

That’s how dependency forms quietly. Not through control, but through relief.

The Subtle Cost of Outsourcing Authority

There’s a moment that happens in therapy — subtle but important — when the therapist becomes the one with the answers. The client feels calmer. The session feels productive. Something gets resolved.

And something else moves out of the room.

Agency.

Once authority shifts externally, the client’s job becomes following instead of choosing. That might feel supportive for a while. It never ends well long-term.

I see this pattern everywhere. In therapy. In addiction recovery. In relationships. In work environments. People aren’t stuck because they don’t know enough. They’re stuck because they don’t trust themselves.

They’re waiting for certainty.
Waiting for approval.
Waiting for someone else to confirm they’re not wrong.

And no one can give you that in a way that actually lasts.

Maturity Is Internalizing Guidance, Not Clinging to It

Early in life, we need structure. We need models. We need direction. That’s developmentally appropriate. But maturity means internalizing those structures — not staying dependent on them.

If you never make that shift, you remain externally referenced. Teachers become replacements for intuition. Experts replace discernment. Systems replace agency.

Dependency always comes with a cost.

There’s a story often told about the Buddha that illustrates this cleanly without needing to make it spiritual. Before his awakening, he studied under multiple teachers. He learned their disciplines. Their frameworks. Their methods.

Eventually, each one reached the same point with him: I’ve taught you everything I can.

That’s the moment that matters.

Not the doctrine.
Not the mythology.
The realization that no one else could take him further.

Insight isn’t something another person can install in you. Someone can walk with you for a stretch, but eventually the path becomes yours alone.

That applies directly to therapy.

What Therapy Can Do — and What It Can’t

I can help you slow your nervous system.
I can help you see patterns you keep repeating.
I can help you recognize when fear, trauma, or conditioning is running the show.

What I can’t do is live your life for you.

And honestly, you wouldn’t want me to.

Because when you give someone else authority over your inner life, you also give them power — even if they didn’t ask for it, even if they don’t want it.

That’s why I’m careful.

I don’t want to be the voice that replaces your own. I want to help you strengthen the one you already have.

This isn’t about being anti-guidance. It’s about not confusing guidance with control.

How Confidence Actually Develops

People often think confidence comes from having the right answer. It doesn’t.

Confidence comes from realizing you can survive choosing for yourself.

Think about learning any real skill. Early on, you need instruction. Over time, mastery means you stop needing someone to stand over your shoulder. The goal isn’t lifelong dependence — it’s competence.

Mental health is no different.

At some point, healing isn’t about learning more concepts. It’s about tolerating uncertainty without abandoning yourself. It’s about staying present when there isn’t a clean answer. It’s about responding to life without someone else constantly translating it for you.

That’s what people are actually asking for when they say, “What should I do?”

They’re not asking for instructions.
They’re asking for confidence.

And confidence doesn’t come from being told the answer. It comes from choosing — and living with the consequences.

Adult Responsibility Isn’t Punishment

There’s a line attributed to the Buddha: “Be a light unto yourselves.” You don’t need to take that spiritually for it to land. Psychologically, it’s saying something simple and uncomfortable.

Stop waiting for someone else to guide you through your life.

You can learn from anyone.
You can read books.
You can listen to podcasts.
You can sit in therapy.

But none of that replaces the moment where you say: I’m responsible for my choices — and I can live with them.

That’s adulthood.
That’s recovery.
That’s growth.

The mistake people make is thinking there’s one right path, one correct framework, one authority who has it figured out. There isn’t. There’s only the path you’re on — and whether you’re walking it consciously or sleepwalking through it.

Every phase you’ve lived brought you here. Even the ones you now wish you could erase. Especially those.

Growth isn’t about correcting the past. It’s about integrating it.

When you stop framing your life as a series of wrong turns, something loosens. You stop looking for rescue and start looking for clarity.

That’s the shift.

The Questions That Actually Matter

I’m not interested in giving you answers here. Answers don’t change people. Questions do.

Where in your life are you still waiting for permission?

Who have you made the authority — a partner, a therapist, a parent, a boss, a diagnosis — and what has that cost you?

What decision do you already know the answer to, but keep pretending you don’t because choosing it would mean taking responsibility?

If no one could approve or disapprove of your next move, what would you do?

What would change if you trusted yourself five percent more than you do right now?

Sit with those. Don’t rush to fix them. Don’t look for someone else to interpret them for you.

Because at some point, the work stops being about finding the right teacher, the right framework, or the right path.

It becomes about whether you’re willing to listen to yourself.