Why Individualism Fails: A Stoic Perspective on Connection and Purpose
The Allure and Illusion of the "Self-Made" Myth
In many Western cultures, self-made success, personal freedom, and bootstrapping one’s way to the top are celebrated as ideals. The message is clear: independence is everything. But is this individualistic mindset truly serving us?
The myth of total self-reliance not only distorts reality—it isolates us. No one achieves anything entirely alone. From early childhood to adulthood, our lives are shaped by others. Even the most celebrated entrepreneurs or innovators rely on unseen teams, mentors, infrastructure, and decades of societal contributions.
What the Stoics Knew About Interdependence
Ancient Stoic philosophers saw the dangers of excessive individualism long before modern psychology confirmed its downsides. Seneca wrote, “The wise man never shuts himself up with his own skin.” For Stoics, we are born not just for ourselves, but for each other.
Marcus Aurelius echoed this when he wrote, “What injures the hive, injures the bee.” The Stoics remind us that our well-being is tied to the well-being of others. Focusing solely on ourselves cuts us off from our natural state—interdependence.
The Cost of Hyper-Individualism
While self-reliance builds strength and resilience, hyper-individualism breeds loneliness and disconnection. In our quest to "do it all alone," we often end up feeling unmoored, disconnected from community, and unsure of our place in the world.
Mental health data shows that isolation is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Many societies, especially in the West, now experience record levels of loneliness. This wasn’t always the case. In more collectivist or cooperative societies, strong community bonds help people live longer, happier lives.
Collective Achievement Is the Norm
Look at any major achievement—a Nobel Prize, a bestselling book, or a scientific breakthrough. Behind each is a vast support system: teachers, collaborators, friends, even societal infrastructure.
Seneca understood this well, writing that wisdom is not invented in a vacuum but passed down: “The origin of this wisdom must be sought by those who came before us.”
Stoicism and the Value of Asking for Help
Contrary to popular belief, Stoicism isn’t about suppressing emotion or avoiding connection. It's about wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice. Justice, in Stoic terms, is about treating others fairly and contributing to the greater good.
Asking for help isn't weakness—it’s wisdom. It means recognizing your limits and acknowledging that others may help you grow, just as you help them. Learning to both offer and accept support is essential for growth and resilience.
A Personal Reflection on Collaboration
For years, I hesitated to ask for help. It felt like a vulnerability. But that mindset held me back. Reaching out to a friend, Trevor, led to a creative partnership that is now opening new doors. Hiring Jan, my assistant, elevated my work in ways I never expected. These connections have made me better—not weaker.
Cosmopolitanism: We Are All Citizens of the World
Epictetus taught that we should not define ourselves by our birthplace but as citizens of the world. Marcus Aurelius wrote about the “mutual interdependence of all things,” emphasizing that humanity thrives when we work together.
True Stoic living means realizing we are part of a greater whole. Life’s meaning comes not from personal gain, but from purposeful contribution.
Rebuilding Connection in an Individualistic World
So how do we shift away from the isolation of individualism? The Stoics offer several paths:
Practice Gratitude: Acknowledge those who have shaped your life.
Engage in Service: Help others without expecting something in return.
Build Community: Create or join circles that reflect your values.
Foster Relationships: Strengthen ties with friends, family, and colleagues.
Live with Purpose: Reflect on how your actions benefit the world around you.
Conclusion: Freedom Through Connection
While individualism promises freedom, Stoicism reminds us that true strength lies in cooperation, gratitude, and shared purpose. We are not islands—we are parts of a vast, interconnected whole.
Marcus Aurelius wrote, “We were born to work together, like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower.” This week, consider how you can live more fully by embracing community, offering support, and recognizing that the best version of you is the one connected to others.
