Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why We React and How to Respond
Have you ever snapped at someone, shut down completely, or walked away from an interaction wondering, Why did I react like that? That’s what we call being triggered.
Being triggered isn’t just about the moment in front of you—it’s often connected to something much deeper. Our past experiences, unresolved wounds, and the protective systems our body has built to keep us safe can all play a role.
Today, we’re unpacking:
What it means to be triggered
How our internal protective systems are involved
How to recognize when it’s happening
Practical steps to stop reacting and calm your nervous system
A Working Definition
A trigger is anything—an event, tone of voice, facial expression—that activates a strong emotional reaction. This reaction can feel overwhelming, like anger, sadness, or panic, and it’s often disproportionate to what’s happening in the present moment.
But why does this happen?
The IFS Perspective on Triggers
To understand this better, let’s use language from Internal Family Systems (IFS). In this model, we all have different “parts” inside us that serve specific roles in keeping us safe.
Protector parts step in to shield us from pain, shame, or fear.
Exile parts carry painful emotions or memories.
When we’re triggered, it’s often because a protective part has perceived danger—even if no actual threat exists. For example:
A protector might lash out when given feedback because it’s trying to shield you from the shame of past rejection.
Another might shut you down emotionally during conflict because it learned that avoidance is safer than engagement.
To these parts, the reaction isn’t an overreaction—it’s an essential defense.
Recognizing the Signs of Being Triggered
Understanding your triggers starts with identifying when they show up. Here are five common signs:
Intense Emotional Reactions
Feeling anger, sadness, or fear far more strongly than the situation calls for. This is often easier to notice in hindsight.Strong Physical Symptoms
A racing heart, sweaty palms, muscle tension, or feeling frozen.Impulsive or Irrational Behavior
Snapping at someone, shutting down, or making choices you later regret.Negative Thought Spirals
Thoughts like I’m not good enough or This always happens to me, looping over and over.Sense of Helplessness
Feeling as if your emotions are running the show—sometimes even like you’re watching yourself from the outside, unable to stop.
Once you can spot these patterns, you can begin to map what situations, interactions, or emotions tend to trigger you.
What to Do When You’re Triggered
1. Pause and Breathe
It sounds simple, but it’s powerful. Take slow, deep breaths to signal safety to your nervous system. If possible, use cold water on your hands or face to help activate your body’s calming response.
2. Name What You’re Feeling
Acknowledging your emotional and physical state—I feel angry and my chest is tight—helps you step out of autopilot mode. You can also name the urge your body wants to act on in that moment.
3. Invite Curiosity
Instead of fighting the reaction, ask:
What is this part trying to protect me from?
What does it need right now?
Approaching your triggered state with curiosity allows you to understand and soothe your protective parts rather than silence them.
4. Reconnect with Your Body
Long-term regulation comes from being attuned to your body. Notice sensations, move regularly, and create space for emotions to move through you rather than stay stored.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Remind yourself that being triggered is part of being human. Offer kindness to the parts of you working so hard to protect you, even if their methods feel unhelpful in the moment.
Working With, Not Against, Your Protective Parts
In IFS, healing involves building a relationship with your Self—your calm, compassionate core. From that place, you can help protective parts feel safe enough to step back, creating space to respond to challenges with clarity and intention.
When you work with your protective parts instead of suppressing them, you open the door to deeper healing. You can honor their role, while also showing them that not every situation warrants a high-alert response.
A Reflection for You
If this resonates, take some time to ask yourself:
What parts of me tend to get triggered?
What are they trying to protect me from?
From there, take one step—whether it’s pausing to breathe, journaling about a recent trigger, or beginning parts work—to start responding with more curiosity and compassion.
