Future You: How to Bargain with the Future to Become Your Best Self
“First, say to yourself what you would be, and then do what you have to do.” – Epictetus
Have you ever made a decision that felt great in the moment, only to regret it later? Maybe it was skipping a workout, blowing your budget, or staying silent when you knew you should have spoken up. We've all been there. The truth is, we often treat our future selves like a stranger—or worse, a roommate who’s stuck cleaning up our mess. But here’s the catch: you are that roommate. The consequences always find their way back to us.
This blog is about building a relationship with your future self, using both timeless Stoic philosophy and modern psychology to guide your present-day decisions. Let's explore how to live today in a way that your future self will thank you for.
The War Between Now and Later
One of the most persistent challenges in human behavior is the tug-of-war between immediate pleasure and long-term benefit. Behavioral economists call this temporal discounting—the tendency to value rewards in the present more than those in the future. It’s why we binge-watch instead of working, snack instead of meal prep, and avoid discomfort even if it means sabotaging our goals.
But the Stoics saw this coming. Seneca once wrote:
“It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.”
The moments we waste today become the burdens our future selves must carry tomorrow.
Your Past Self Might’ve Been a Jerk—Don’t Let Your Present Self Be One Too
When you zoom out and view your life over months or years, a pattern may emerge. Maybe your past self made some poor choices that you’re now paying for. But here’s the empowering part: you can interrupt that cycle now.
To do that, you have to get to know your future self. Not as some vague abstraction, but as a real, detailed version of you. Imagine:
What do they look like?
How do they handle stress?
What habits have they mastered?
Who do they spend time with?
When your future self has a voice and a shape, it becomes much harder to ignore them.
The Psychology of Knowing Future You
Psychologist Hal Hershfield from UCLA has shown that when people vividly imagine their future selves, they make better long-term decisions. In one of his studies, participants who saw digitally aged avatars of themselves were significantly more likely to save for retirement.
Why? Because their future selves became real to them—not an abstract “someday someone,” but someone they knew and cared about.
This is powerful. The more familiar your future self becomes, the more emotionally invested you’ll be in doing right by them.
From Telos to Action: What Stoicism Teaches About Becoming
Stoicism encourages us to live in alignment with our telos, or purpose. Marcus Aurelius often asked himself: “What kind of person do I want to be?” His answer was always rooted in integrity—calm, rational, just, purposeful.
He didn’t scold himself out of guilt, but out of clarity. He knew who he wanted to be. And he acted to become that person.
“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” — Marcus Aurelius
This isn’t about perfectionism. It’s about alignment. Every decision you make is either widening or narrowing the gap between your current behavior and your future ideal. That gap is called the integrity gap—and it’s where doubt and low self-worth tend to fester.
But you don’t need a total life overhaul. You just need to stack enough aligned choices to move in the right direction.
Practical Tools to Connect With Future You
Here are three ways to bring the future-you mindset into daily life:
1. The 10-10-10 Rule
When you’re stuck in a moment of temptation, ask:
How will I feel about this in 10 minutes?
In 10 months?
In 10 years?
This technique pulls you out of emotional immediacy and forces a longer view.
2. Future Self-Journaling
Spend 3 minutes a day writing as if you are your future self. Describe your life, your thoughts, your values. Doing this primes your mind to seek alignment with that identity.
3. The Identity Filter
When making a decision, ask:
“What would the person I want to become do right now?”
Not: What feels easiest?
Not: What do I feel like doing?
But: What would future-me choose?
This practice turns every decision into a step toward becoming your ideal self.
Be Kind to Your Past Self—But Move Forward
It’s easy to judge our past selves harshly. But that judgment doesn’t build character—compassion does.
Your past self did what they could with the tools and insight they had. Don’t stay stuck in regret. Future-you doesn’t need your shame—they need your action.
So forgive your past, and start now. Every aligned choice you make is a vote for who you’re becoming.
Write the Letter That Changes Everything
Here’s an exercise worth doing today:
Imagine your future self, 10 years older.
Write a letter from them to you:
What do they thank you for?
What do they wish you had started earlier?
What do they want you to stop worrying about?
Then, write a letter back to your future self. Make a promise. Set an intention. Tell them what you’re going to do—starting now.
Final Thought: You Are Always Becoming
Every choice you make today shapes the person you’re becoming. Whether you like it or not, you are always becoming something.
The question is: Are you becoming who you truly want to be?
Your future self is watching—not judging, but hoping. Hoping that you make one more courageous choice. That you follow through. That you speak up. That you move.
And if you do it right—one day, you’ll look back and realize: You are that future self. And you’re grateful you started when you did.
