Practicing Loving Kindness - an antidote to resentments
Adapted from Linehan, Dialectical behavioral therapy
Feelings of anger, hostility, and negativity can cause significant emotional pain. Loving-kindness meditation is a practice that helps cultivate compassion and positive emotions by repeating specific, positive phrases. This meditation, rooted in Buddhist tradition but applicable to any spiritual practice, encourages an open heart and sends warm, loving wishes to yourself and others.
Why Practice Loving-Kindness?
Negative Emotions Are Harmful
Anger and hostility, whether directed at yourself or others, can be mentally exhausting and physically harmful, potentially leading to health issues like high blood pressure and an increased risk of heart attacks.Loving-Kindness Reduces Self-Hate
Self-hatred is deeply painful and can make self-care difficult. By practicing loving-kindness, you can diminish self-hate, leading to improved self-esteem and a greater sense of self-worth, which can help alleviate depression and feelings of inadequacy.Improves Relationships
Harboring ill will can strain relationships, making it harder to interact and work with others. Loving-kindness helps improve these relationships by fostering more positive emotions and increasing social connectedness.
Research shows that a regular practice of loving-kindness can boost positive emotions (like love, joy, and gratitude) and decrease negative ones. It also enhances social bonds and has potential as a psychological intervention, with neuroimaging studies showing increased brain activity related to emotional processing and empathy. Over time, these benefits lead to greater life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms, along with improved self-acceptance and better relationships.
Loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity are rigorous meditation practices that help develop focused, concentrated attention. Through this concentration, these qualities transform the heart. By naming and acknowledging these qualities during mindfulness practice, we can better recognize and cultivate them, especially in challenging moments.
These practices, particularly loving-kindness meditation, serve as effective tools to counteract intense emotions like rage. When emotions are too strong to observe directly, loving-kindness meditation can soften our relationship to these overwhelming states, making them more manageable and less overpowering.
Over time, the practice of direct observation itself can embody loving-kindness and compassion, allowing us to embrace any mind state, no matter how difficult or toxic. By observing our emotions with open-hearted, non-reactive presence, we can understand their true nature. In this non-judgmental awareness, emotions like anger or grief can diminish and eventually dissolve, much like a soap bubble bursting or writing on water. In such moments, loving-kindness naturally arises from the stillness, effortlessly emerging because it is always present.
How to Practice Loving-Kindness
When developing your own practice, choose a few meaningful phrases or "wishes" that you can sincerely express for yourself and others. Traditionally, these phrases are repeated three times for each person, but you can adjust based on your available time.
Begin by sending wishes to someone easy to love.
Next, send them to someone you love, but with whom you have a complicated relationship.
Then, direct them toward a neutral person.
After that, extend them to someone you find challenging.
Send wishes to all beings around the world.
Finally, direct these wishes to yourself.
Choose three phrases from the sample list or create your own. Ensure the phrases resonate with you and can be spoken authentically, whether you're thinking of someone you love, someone you're neutral about, someone you struggle with, or yourself.
You can incorporate loving-kindness into your daily routine, perhaps alternating with breath-focused mindfulness practices. You can also practice it anytime you feel the need.
Try a Loving Kindness meditation here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2iCoEluq8A
